Journal
2023 2024 2025February
"still goin"
Today will probably be the last day I type an entry on my old macbook air laptop. This thing has been working tirelessly since 2017. I'm still shocked it's made it this long, but the last few weeks have proven that it's gonna kill me if I don't replace it. Everytime I try to move the cord while it's plugged in, it will literally start sparking. Death via electrocution is something I do not need right now. This isn't even including the fact that it can't stay on without being plugged in anyway.
I never realize how much I stick with things, even if they're on the brink of being a safety hazard to me. I need the upgrade though. Who knows, i'll probably toss this laptop on my old tech shrine as something to look back on. I could even give some context to all the stickers I've added to the front (There's alot).
Also, I'm not too sure if I mentioned this, but I've secured a ticket to a convention! Well, half convention/half fighting-game tournament this june. It'll be pretty fun I think. I'll be there to compete, but I'll mostly be vibing out and enjoying myself.
As you can see, lots of money has been spent these last few months. On things I want to experience and also for things I just genuinely need. Hard not to feel like I'm gonna have to start making more at some point. I've been considering going full time with my job, but I don't know if there even is a full-time position for my specific occupation. We'll see I guess.
That's been pretty much it though. Same old same old for all other avenues of my life at the moment. Haven't been able to find a good time to go to the bar or my local. Hopefully I can soon. Cya.
(12:23pm)
"Outside"
I've been outside a bit more lately
Mainly from jogging. Running. Speed-walking more realistically but it's been nice. The weight has been something I've felt I just can't ignore anymore. So I've finally started taking it all more seriously. It's hard for me. I don't know why.
I think I can do it. You know, really lose the weight and maybe recognize myself a bit more. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't doing this for myself fully. It's also just to keep my mother from bringing it up. Whatever I can do to stop her from being herself. I've talked about this before, but I want to change as much as I can about myself. In small ways or major ways. I need change. So, this has been one I want to finally see to fruition. Hopefully.
Weird week. It was rough, but the weekend was pretty nice. My youngest sisters birthday was sunday, and we went out a few times throughout the weekend to celebrate. It was fun.
I've had some pretty unsuccessful attempts at socializing in general this week. Both irl and online. At this point, I kinda hate even bringing anything up regarding my social life unless it's positive but hey, that's probably why I haven't been adding entries as frequently as usual. As much as I think there's some chances left for me to turn some of these potential friendships and/or relationships around, everything has been showing me that i'm just not that big of a deal. The silly part is there really isn't anything I can do about it.
I've never needed a friend more than right now. Oh well. Hope you like the song. Cya.
(12:38am)
"Dream House"
For how insanely packed last month was, I only had 3 entries. Which seems crazy, but I really just did not feel like I had much to say. I'm not sure if I'm coming towards some burnout regarding webmastering but, for the meantime, I still do like making changes and improving the site. I made visual changes with the main site background and I'm nooooot very sure I like the current look. I don't think the image fits very well. Might have to take some more photos and see what sticks. I'll leave it as is for now.
Speaking of photos, I've found a website for a pretty simple gallery. I'm gonna try to use it for the creations section that I've forgotten about. I'm still not EXTREMELY sure if I'll just put old images from my past or showcase art that I've made over the years. I could obviously just do something for both. It'd just be double the content for the site at the end of the day. But alas, I don't know which one I'll start with.
Oh, what's been going on with me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I've been trying to do SOMETHING since my last entry but if I'm being honest, nothing is happening. The same things, that's it. Now if I decided to be just a tad bit more truthful, I'd say that i've been pretty engrossed into both Brooklyn Nine-Nine and this new season of severance but my brain can be interesting like that. I've been enjoying both shows a lot. I've always wanted to try B99 but for some reason it just never grabbed me until I realized I had literally nothing to watch. That being said, I'm glad I started it because I haven't been able to stop since. The cast is full of people I'm not entirely familiar with (besides andy samberg, what a legend).
Besides those two shows, yea....not much else. Which is probably a good thing? Yea sure, we'll subscribe to that thought.
That's all then. Check out the song if you'd like. Cya.
(12:52pm)
January
"Pretend Friend"
4 more years of agony and pain and suffering and-
I'll talk about that somewhere else, but right now I just wanted to check in.
I've been okay, all things considered. Not that me saying "I'm okay" has held much weight to it for the past few years but, hey. What can you do. I managed to start talking to someone on hinge after months of tapping my screen aimlessly. Not sure if their even looking for a relationship honestly but hey, it's someone to reliably talk to so I'll take it.
If this falls through, I'll probably just give up and drop the app. It took me over a decade but I think I'm content with just going to the bar and having my biweekly social outings. Doesn't require as much screen time and the people there actually want to speak to me. Just makes sense logistically speaking. Ah yea, speaking of the bar and those tournaments, I'm strongly considering going to a major tournament in june. I have someone that lives fairly close to the venue up in orlando and idk. It could be fun, plus I'll have my car by then and I've already been driving longer distances more. I could absolutely make the drive by myself.
Besides that, what else...oh yea. The weather down here has been INSANE. When i got back from work last night it was the foggiest I've ever seen it. It's also been jarringly cold and windy. Which is (obviously) not common for florida. My sister sent me some photos she got from up northern florida, where it is actually snowing. Most snow we've gotten since like...1956 I think? Insane.
Yea, I'm almost done with the background work of cleaning up some of the code. It should look a bit better on mobile. Also, going to change the backgrounds and photos and music for the spring. Oh yea, you may have noticed that made the titles correspond with songs I'm really obsessed with at the moment. Hope you like them. I really need to make a music page, I have too much to share when it comes to it. Anyway, cya.
(12:35pm)
"Day Moving"
Just realized I had the day wrong for my first entry of the year, hm. Unwavering professionalism over here.
Anyway, this will be pretty short honestly. Just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be redoing the website. From scratch. Yep. It'll look the exact same on the outside, but all the code will be done by me so I can have a complete understanding of my website, inside and out. When I first started this website I used sadgrl's template, and since then I've taken lots of built in stuff out and redone things to fit a certain aesthetic that I felt people would really enjoy. Thing is, I don't completely understand the mobile layout, and I also want all the comments to be tailored towards how I think, ya know?
I'm also going to be moving files around, rerouting things that should have been organized in folders ages ago, etc etc. Think of this as online spring cleaning. I'll hopefully have an even better understanding of html, css, and even javascript once I'm all done.
So yea. I'll see you all in a bit. Maybe I'll finally have enough questions when I'm back. Ha
(11:09pm)
"Silver Morning"
An instagram reel that I viewed on the toilet made me realize something very important today.
This year, 2025, will almost certain not be a "good one". Not a particularly hot take, but I'm just not going into this year with high hopes.
When I say that, I mean that I have always had a hard time feeling like I really needed to make any new years resolutions. Or write up any thing that I just had to accomplish. If time has proven anything to us, it's that things are only getting crazier. If you live in the United States like me, you should be very aware that this year has many bad things in store. That's all pretty surface level though.
The one thing I know for certain, is that I can control the level of content I want to make available to myself. I have control over what news reaches me.
Only I know what news is most important to me, and the limit that we have for how much bad we can take seeing each day. The current news cycle, is vicious. I don't care how much you are for one situation or the other, there is a point of no return. There is a point where the bad starts to seriously outway the good and affect your own well being and how you operate. You can support these causes, but please, please remember this: There is going to be so many horrible stories this year. You have to find the good near you and off your phone. Off the news. Keep in local. Keep it in communities you can ACTUALLY participate in physically. In-Person.
Stay sane. I'm serious. It's so damn easy to get lost in that shit. I've seen it. No matter how much "good" is in your heart. Everything in moderation. You are NOT immune to these things.
Every year is just a year. You can easily cherrypick the events that you actually care about to dictate if your year was good or not. It's not even worth comparing anymore.
I want to make it through this year, Alive. A genuine goal. That means something to me. I hope you all make it through too.
(11:35pm)